Actress Jennifer Love Hewitt has had more than her share of romantic upheavals or, as she puts it, “dating crap.”

She’s the star of the television series Ghost Whisperer, playing Melinda Gordon who has the gift to help trapped spirits. Now the 31-year-old actress has written a book, The Day I Shot Cupid, available in bookstores at the end of the month, offering advice to help hopelessly romantic souls.

The actress, also known for her roles in the television series Party of Five and the movie I Know What You Did Last Summer and its sequel, spoke to the Star about a Tiffany diamond, the 72-hour misery rule and the soundtrack from Bridget Jones’s Diary.

Q: What prompted you to write this book?

A: About 4 1/2 years ago after a bad break up, I went to Mexico with girlfriends of all different ages. The topic we got on the fastest was men, how they can mess up and how we women can mess up, too. I wrote up thought pages for everyone. A couple of weeks later, my friend called saying she had sent around the thought pages and some of her friends wanted to get dating advice from me. She said I had a little following. They started calling me and I thought, “Maybe I should turn it into a book.”

Q: So we should call you the Love Whisperer?

A: Yes. Thank you. I like that.

Q: Once a month since you were 12, you write in the book, you’ve gone to your favourite jewellery store and tried on your dream engagement ring. Why is a ring so important to you?

A: It’s like a guy’s hot car he drives around to show off. For girls, the ring is a symbol to the world that they finally did it. They don’t have to date anymore, hopefully. It’s just a vain outward show of love. It’s definitely not what your relationship should be based on.

Q: What does your dream ring look like?

A: It’s a 3 1/2 (carat) solitaire from Tiffany’s in platinum. It’s so beautiful.

Q: How much?

A: I never looked. That’s for him to worry about. (Laughter).

Q: It sounds like you really want to get married.

A: It’s funny. I’ve always really wanted to get married. But the older I get, the more I think there’s something to just spending your life with somebody and not adding all that pressure. My thoughts are sort of in limbo about it at the moment. But I definitely do believe in strong commitment.

Q: You were engaged to actor Ross McCall. What happened?

A: Oh, you know, it just wasn’t meant to be. I write in the book that the most important thing about an engagement is that – after the ring brouhaha and the celebrations – you have to slow everything down and ask yourself all the big questions….I have no regrets about who I’ve been with. I’m very grateful I took the time to ask myself all those questions.

Q: What’s your advice for getting over a breakup?

A: Working out was a really big thing for me. I feel 72 hours is appropriate for eating everything in sight and feeling abnormally down on yourself. But then you have to suck it up.

Q: One guy you were dating told you, “Leave your balls at home.” Your reaction?

A: First, I was like, “Balls?” Then I realized he had a point.

I was struggling at the time to prove myself in Hollywood, that I had good business sense, that I was smart. I essentially was carrying balls. I would complain that he didn’t treat me like I’m girlie, sweet and sensitive. But how’s a guy supposed to do that when you show up for your date like you’re meeting the head of Sony?

I had to learn to switch between the two. If I need to decompress after work, I cook dinner. For me, there’s something about making dinner for my boyfriend or friends that gets me back into my softer, feminine side.

Q: For all your dating ups and downs, what have you learned? Any advice?

A: It’s the dumbest thing women do. A guy will tell you and show you in, I don’t know, four dates exactly who he is, who you’re going to be in a relationship with in six months. But if you are busy dressing him up in the Knight in Shining Armour outfit or listening to the Bridget Jones soundtrack in your head, you are going to miss it.

I have learned that you can be a hopeless romantic in love, but you cannot be a hopeless romantic when trying to find love.

Q: You surprise me. You’re a successful actress, producer, singer. Yet you say you struggle with feelings of worth. Every day you make a point to tell yourself 10 things you like about yourself. Jennifer, what’s all that about?

A: Part of it is being in this business, which is awesome. But from a young age, my worth has been measured by my success in the business. People have judged what I look like, what I sound like, who I date. It’s hard to figure out where in the middle of that you actually find your worth.

In the last three years, I’ve been learning that I am worth it, not because of what movies I’ve been in or what other people think but how I feel about me. That’s a struggle a lot of young women go through but it’s an extra challenge in this business.

From The Toronto Star